drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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