So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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