This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
