I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize