i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
