Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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