how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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