well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
