A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
