full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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