He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
