I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
