im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
