I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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