yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.