5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.