It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.