i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0