your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
