I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.