he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.