Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.