I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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