remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
