my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
