this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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