Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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