he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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