my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
