Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
