She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
