you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
