Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
