true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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