I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
