It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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