My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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