i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize