i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
