Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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