Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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