i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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