Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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