how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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