Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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