I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
