this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
