better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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