what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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