i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
