i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
