At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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