i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize