The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
