I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i drank out of a bidet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
