I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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