Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
