So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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