I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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