Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
