we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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