see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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