well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
