...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
