my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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