every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
