apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
