ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
