well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
