My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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