Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
