do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
