Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
