i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
