i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
