I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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