You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
