seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
