saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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