God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
