and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
