So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
time to smoke my breakfast
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
