My first STD was from a foam party
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
