I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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