I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
