I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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