Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
