Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
